The One With The Ettes.

Dear Lover,

A secret desire of mine has always been to be a backup singer.

Why not the lead?

You may ask.

Here's the facts Jack.

There's the special backup singer outfit you get to wear.

Each based on the same concept, but with a touch of personalization.

There's the simple groove that the backup singers get to choreograph.

And the lah-de-dah sort of attitude you get to have as you groove that groove behind your microphone stand.

There's the simple fact that the backup singer almost always gets to play the tambourine.

Dig it.

Best of all.

You get to travel the world, hang with the band, and sing the la la lahs.

As well as go to the grocery store in your yoga pants without someone plastering a photo across the cover of a magazine with an arrow pointing to the extra pounds you've gained.

Don't they know? 

Those extra pounds only add to the power of the choreographed groove!

My top 5 backup singer song choices.

You know.

As a heads up.

For that time we drive in the car together.

When you get the pleasure of seeing a whole other side of me...

1. Gladys Knight & the Pips "Midnight Train to Georgia."

Leavin' on that midnight train to Georgiaaaaa!  Whoo-hoo!

2. Lou Reed's "Take a Walk On the Wild Side."

And the colored girls go Doo di-doo di-doo doo-di-doo doo di-doo di-doo...

3. Joe Cocker's "With a Little Help From My Friends"

Really, any song from his Mad Dogs & Englishmen tour where he and a bunch of friends who weren't professional singers, traveled the states, hanging out in meadows during the day and singing their hearts our in high school gymnasiums at night.

4. Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Bismallah!  No, we will not let you go!

5. Martha and the Vandellas' "Nowhere to Run."

Nowhere to hide hide hide hide hide hide!

It's cool to date the backup singer.

Love,

Me.