Thursday, May 6, 2010

The One Where It's Not Easy Being Green.

Dear Lover,

I love the environment.
The Earth is the best.
I swear.
And I try to do my part.

Have three burlap bags in my kitchen.
One for paper.
One for plastics.
One for glass.
And drop them off at the local Recycling Center weekly.
If I lived closer to work, I'd buy a bike with a basket and leave ten minutes earlier.
If I could afford a new car, I'd consider a Hybrid.
At work, I recycle scrap paper.
And never throw away the plastic baggies from my lunch.
I also have a Nalgene.

But there's a few things you should know.

I love to drive with the windows down and the a.c. blasting.
Or for that matter, the windows down and the heat blasting away, too.

I let the water run while I brush my teeth.

Sometimes I don't make it to the Recycling Center because the garbage dumpsters behind my place are just a little too conveniently close.

My Nalgene doesn't have a lid because it melted in the dishwasher, and the remaining bottle is so old it has the epoxy lining that will surely kill me.

And most of the time.
When someone mentions the slogan "Think Green."
I don't initially think they're talking about how to better the environment.
Instead, I immediately picture the pair of bright green capri pants I used to own.
They were the sort of green one might need ectoplasm for.
Perhaps they too were lined with an epoxy.
If you know what I mean.
I remember just how much I absolutely adored them.
And how I felt so very chic whenever I wore them.
Like Elsa Martinelli in Hatari.
And how I wore them!
My whole 8th grade year.
The whole week of my middle school trip to New York City and Washington, D.C.
And well into my freshman year of high school.
Until some upperclassman made a comment about them as he passed me in the hall.
Upon which, I went home, folded them up, put them in a Goodwill pile, and cried myself to sleep.
But I kept a picture.
Of me in them.
And if you want, I'll show you.
And I think you'll understand.
The magic of those green capri pants.
And why you'll find me drifting off into a reminiscent smile when we pass a perturbed group of picketers holding signs with "Think Green!" scribbled across them.


P.S.  I wish that bastard upperclassman could see me now... with you.

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