Friday, July 23, 2010

The One Where I've Gone To The Birds.

Dear Lover,

The other day I got back from a power walk.
I power walk.
So next time you see a girl on the side of the road.
Her arms just a swingin'...
Try to contain the snicker.
That just may be me.
And I wouldn't want those swingin' arms to swing your way.
If you know what I mean.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be grumpy.
But I have reason to be.
You see.
While my dog and I were enjoying the stretching shade of the branches that lined the wide sidewalk.
Just minding our own business.
Arms just a swingin' away.
A bird made up his mind that our mission in life was to destroy her nest.
So commenced to follow us from her branch.
For 50 yards or so.
Circling and swooping.
Ca-cahing and flapping.
Beak diving towards our rear ends.

So there the two of us were.
Dorothy Parker (dog) swishing her tail.
And me, flapping my arms.
In defense mode.
While trying to maintain a steady heartbeat.
And quick paced strides.
Because apparently, I can no longer eat whatever I want to without consequences.

Well today it happened again.
Same place.
Same time.
Same bird.

And I wish that you were there with us.
Because I can't.
For the life of me.
Find it in me.
To gather enough gumption.
To chunk a rock at the heinous creature.
Or take a pellet gun to it either.
Nor run towards it screaming and flapping my arms like a maniac.
Because you'd surely drive by then, wouldn't you?
And I'd be a sight.
And you'd begin to snicker...

But then again.
Perhaps you've read these words.
And will be looking for an arm swingin' girl and her dog.
Being attacked by a heinous creature.
And having to fend for herself with crazy antics.

So you'd stop.
Come to help.

And come to think about it.
I don't think I'll change my route after all.
Because I just may be killing two birds with one stone here...


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